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Sometimes people feel guilty about wanting company and physical love.

Often they have all sorts of other unresolved emotions about the death of the partner, and the more they try to ignore them, the more they tend to surface. But they might be about anger that the person has gone, or about resentment that other people are still a couple and can look forward to an old age together.

I remember traveling downtown to “put in my papers,” and after my exit interview when I stood up to leave the retirement office, the gentleman who had been assisting me said, “Congratulations you are now retired.

You should know that this will be the start of a new way of living.” I left, caught a cab and, as the car passed through Ground Zero, on a misty rainy afternoon, I wasn’t sure how I should be feeling.

I had several milestone events that occurred during my husband’s bout with Stage IV cancer. Many friends came together and surprised me with a beautiful party, but I missed not having my husband there by my side, as he was at home, in hospice care.

Several months earlier, I retired from my profession as an art teacher, having decided to give all my attention to caring for my husband Chuck.

But eventually, we're quite likely to consider the possibility of romance again. Losing someone we love is one of the hardest things we have to face in life.

I started dating again about a year after my husband died.

The question comes up a lot among widowed and those who are interested in dating them – how soon after the death of a spouse is it considered appropriate to begin dating/or pursuing? Other widowed people like to trot out the tired cliché – It’s such a circular and unhelpful answer that I’d like to ban the phrase from the grief lexicon because given the minefield of rules and expectations surrounding widowhood, asking is the only way to clarify whether the signals you are receiving from your peers, family and friends are about your welfare or their self-interest. Scarlett knew the rules on widowed decorum because society at that time spelled it out. It may have sucked, but everyone was clear on the time frame and waited (while perhaps discreetly lining up suitors for once the deadline had passed). Younger widowed date and remarry sooner, and at higher rates, than older ones.

Attempted to look resolute and somber, smiling wanly as you sat out your “black-shirted” year on the wallflower bench. Whereas the newly broken up or divorced are free to take the field again as soon as they like, the widowed must navigate religious, family and community rules on the subject, and they vary. But, having children or not, being younger or older and your general state of resiliency in the face of tragedy plays into this as well.

Jessica Bemis is a full-time, working mom of two who lost her husband to testicular cancer in November 2011.

Since then, Jessica has been sharing her story on her blog, Hope for Young Widows and working to bring awareness and hope to women and men who have lost their spouses to cancer.

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Another son of Joshua Ingham III and younger brother of Cunliffe Ingham was William Bairstow Ingham (1850-1878) who it is said was the first "Crocodile Dundee" when he killed a 13ft man-eating, saltwater crocodile on the Barron River, near Cairns in Queensland.